Thoughts on a Friday

Well, Sarah has been acting up. For those of you who don't know who Sarah is she is my eating disorder. I have been going crazy with these thoughts. I look at my body and see how ugly and fat it is. I cannot stand being in my body it's just so repulsive. I am working on being more comfortable and have been trying to stick to my meal plan despite the thoughts floating in my head. I've been working on a story I started a couple of years ago and which I have been wanting to get back to. I miss writing a lot. I am excited for next semester when I will be taking my intro to creative writing class. Life has it's ups and downs. I did something with someone over the internet that was pretty stupid and I kinda regret it but I thought it might be good experience for writing and was just curios. I didn't want to do it with a friend because that would be awkward. What did she do you you may ask, well I had the online version of phone sex. It was really weird and I'm not doing it again unless it is with someone I am dating and am interested in or have a relationship with. So yeah not sure what else to say. So that is it for now.

Poem II

Shrinking down to mini size,

Constantly criticizing my big thighs

Wishing to escape this Hell,

Thinking that I'm doing well,

Fighting to evade my fate

Obsessing over my 'high' weight

Running from my past so fast

Wondering when I'll rest at last.

Too much fat on my body

Throwing up in the potty.

No hope for the restless few

Suffering through and through-

Standing on the god-damn scale

Feeling like a giant whale.

No food tonight as punishment

No, no food, sorry, I can't.

Let me be, be myself

Do not worry about my health

Shrinking down to mini size

Constantly criticizing my big thighs.