The Perfect Day

This weekend was so perfect. I spent Saturday with my best friend and long time crush. We had so much fun. I met his family and they loved me and I love them. I love hanging out with him and he asked me out that night when he was driving me back home. I am so happy. All of my friends are so annoyed with me because I am in such a good mood. My parents are good with this development. We promised that if anything happens and the relationship doesn't work out that we will still remain friends no matter what. Things are just working out. I get to see him agin next weekend. My parents are making me come down to Dartmouth to visit my brother with them but he's coming with us so that will be fun. He will be saving me from a torturous family gathering. I miss him when he is not here and I can't wait til I next see him. I love him. He is so much fun and always knows how to make me laugh. Life is great when he's around. I am just so happy. :)

AP EXAMS ARE DONE!!!

YAY!!! School is almost over. I love it. I have almost no homework. I still have my senior synthesis to finish and my fourth quarter term paper to write but I will have no more homework in Biology and I am enrolled at the college I love. I am relaxing and I can have fun now. One of my best friends will be home from college tomorrow and we can have fun this summer. I still need to get a job. (I should call Affectionately Cats when I get home.) But that shouldn't be too hard. I don't have to take any books home. It feels so great to be almost done with school. I can't wait for graduation.

Daddy

I love my dad very much. Yes he and my mom are a very screwed up couple and he has let her do some wacky, stupid and abusive things but I know he loves me a lot. I really worry about him sometimes and now is one of those times. I do not want to cause any financial burdens for him because things are tight and he is missing a lot of work. I feel really guilty about going to Mount Holyoke which is more than twice as expencive as Saint Mike's which I also got into but I hate. I love MHC and really want to go there. I would declare myself finacially independant if I could. I am going to pay my parents back every cent that they spend on me for college. I don't even want them paying for it because I don't want to feel obliged to them. I really am having a hard time with my mom. She is really such a bitch. I can't stand being around her a lot of the time because we are just so different. Our family therapist has said that we need to get to know each other better but she isn't willing to. If she does not want to do something she is not going to do it. I try to share my interests with her but she thinks they are a waste of her time and that she should be doing something else. She spends so much energy on community service that she has let the family fall apart and now that she sees this she doesn't even have an interest in finding out how I, at least, have changed in her metaphorical absence. She projects her personality and beliefs onto those around her and I can't stand it. Service to others is all well and good but my family takes it to a whole new level. My dad neglects himself in his service to others and sees it as an obligation rather than as service so he does not find it rewarding and my mom finds it so rewarding she doesn't need to be apart of the family. I have learned a lot about myself and I am not going to grow up to live my life as they do. My struggles have really helped me grow in ways that I otherwise would not have been able to grow. However I find myself wondering if I had lived in a more open and functional family if I would have needed to go through these struggles at all. Life is really shitty sometimes and I really hate it. Sometimes I wish that I had not been born or that if I had to be born if I could have been born into a different family.